I stand, lost in the sight before me. I am looking through the window completely raptured in the thoughts racing through my mind. As I watch leaves fall to the ground I can feel the cool air radiating through the glass. One by one, the leaves fall and I notice the beautiful colors of orange, yellow, red and brown. The leaves have died. The trees are almost empty now. I find peace in this moment. I found comfort even surrounded by death. Summer is past, we are moving through the season of death, and dying before winter comes. This reality strikes my heart deep and I gasp, taking in the past several years that have seemed like the longest season. Fall has always soothed my soul, comforted my anxieties and brought peace to the busyness of my life.
The past 3 years I have walked along the side of my mother as she walked through a season of death and dying. A season much like fall that is before us now. It has been hard for me to stand at her side knowing her heart is broken. Strangely though, she has found peace. This season has been the longest. Beginning with the death of her only sister a few short years ago. Then last year her brother. Then at the beginning of this year her mother and then her father a few months later. Now as I write this, we are at the closing of her other brother’s life. Her last sibling gone. She has stood as I stand gazing out the window, watching her season of death and dying like each of the leaves falling from the trees.
This season has been a hard one as it would be for anyone yet I see life in her. She is finding her unique way through this season. She is strangely at peace and just living. I watch her has she gathers up all the children of her brothers and sister as though she is raking up the leaves and finds joy in having that amazing privilege. In this season of death, she found joy in gathering. At the funeral home, I watched her work the room hugging and comforting, talking and laughing. Although death surrounds her she found purpose in it. As we all moved towards our cars she stopped and observed us all, the fallen leaves left behind in this season, and she declares “well it looks like I am mamma now.”
I stood in awe of how amazing God is. That in our most painful moments we can find our purpose. That He can truly take every detail of our lives and work it to our good. She stood in her season of death and dying and found her next step. She found her purpose to love and care for all of the children left behind.
Romans 8: 28 The Passion Translation
“So we are convinced that every detail of our lives is continually woven together to fit into God’s perfect plan of bringing good into our lives, for we are his lovers who have been called to fulfill his designed purpose.”
Now my thoughts come back to the beauty of this season, as I stand gazing out the window. I too find so much comfort and joy from Romans 8: 28 as the living Word. Even in the hardest situations, seasons or circumstances we can find joy, peace and comfort. We can even find purpose in that pain. Our God works every detail of our lives into His perfect plan.
Sisters, God doesn’t cause the pain, the hurt, the hard season but He can and will let you find good in every situation. What season are you in at this moment? Can you see God in the midst? Can you find how He is weaving it into His plan? I have struggled with this throughout the years and I am sure I will again. But today I stand peering through the glass watching this season, seeing the leaves fall and I am reminded through what God did in my mother that the enemy never truly wins. The situations I face and the ones you are standing before can work to our good and be woven into the greater plan and purpose God has for us.
Heart After His,