Am I Wired for Contentment?
At almost 100, sometimes I wonder if I shall ever reach the age when I will not have one more goal to achieve or one more project to complete before my life is over on earth. Is that wrong? Is my ambition misdirected? During my current inabilities is God trying to teach me the importance of resting in His arms of love and enjoying His presence?
I’m not sure that I know the answers to those questions, but I believe my Father wants me to be faithful to the end and will give me the mental and physical capacity to complete the work He foreordained that I accomplish. Life still is meaningful for me and as long as able I refuse to sit idly with my hands folded waiting for the Death Angel to knock at my door.
I can never make up the time wasted, and knowing myself, wonder if ever I’ll be able truthfully to say the words Paul wrote: “I have fought a good fight.”
I was not aware why it appears impossible for me to live up to my expectations, and while doing graduate work, my advising professor mentioned that I am a perfectionist. I was not sure what a perfectionist is but asked him how he knew. He admitted he was a perfectionist and one knows another. He assured me I would be a more contented person if I accepted my limitations.
I am finding it fulfilling to write some devotionals while resting in my recliner, but typing them into my computer with my right forefinger is time consuming. However, I’m not complaining: what if I didn’t have a right forefinger? I am truly blessed with all my fingers and an alert mind: because one of God’s supreme blessings is a sound mind. Praise and thanks to Him for the ability to think lucidly, and I realize it is due to His grace and mercy and not my merit. Therefore, it is an incentive to use my mind and not allow it to become like uncultivated fallow soil full of thistles and weeds.
Father, I confess that I have not reached a constant state of contentment, but I believe You have some more work for me planned. Thank You for choosing me to accomplish a few deeds to honor You and help others. Amen.