Several years ago, I had just moved to Little Rock, Arkansas from Jonesboro, Arkansas where I spent my first year out of college teaching. Nothing in me felt settled there so I moved to Little Rock with full expectation to become settled, to become complete. I was moving into my second year of teaching in a wonderful school. My family was close by. Several of my friends were in Little Rock. Everything was going to be perfect (or so I thought). Instead, it was the opposite. There was a hole, a longing inside of me that I could not for the life of me meet on my own.
During this transition, I was reading the book Anything by Jennie Allen. It was hard-hitting in the best way! I was moved by the way that Jenny and her husband both prayed earnestly, seeking God and telling Him that they would do ANYTHING for him, for His glory. That small prayer moved them in marvelous ways.. so much joy was beheld by them. The Lord was using their lives in ways they never dreamed of before. I wanted that for myself.
On June 11, 2013. I prayed the prayer of “anything”. Little did I know that within only two years my life would look completely different, in the best way possible. I wrote it down and I am so thankful that I did so that I could share it with you:
My Prayer for Anything.
This is a prayer that will lead me from pride, selfishness, insecurity, fear, anxiousness, and much more. Over a bridge that involves a face-plant in dirt, surrender of control, humiliation…and other difficult things- it is a challenge and a test of faith. BUT. It will lead me to fall into God’s steady arms. Into peace. Into undeserved grace, confidence, blessings, joy and things that are OF HIM. I do not know what God wants my life to look like. I know what I want it to look like, but let’s be real. God has called me to live above reproach. Not to be average. He has a high calling for me. I want it now– I want to skip over the mistakes I have made and skip over the rebellion I feel in my heart to get there– but I have to walk in his ordered steps to get there. I pray against my wandering, rebellious heart – Replace it with you. I desire for my heart to be full of passion and confidence in you — and for a heart that longs to know you more.Please help me get to know you better. To become acclimated in Little Rock and feel as if I belong somewhere here.To build meaningful relationships with people — friendships, family. To give up my “want” or constant desire of husband and to place it in your hands, giving you complete control and trusting you in that area.Thank you for chasing me and for waiting on me to come back to you. Lead me in your ways – the way you designed specifically for me.
My prayer was not answered immediately. The following year after I prayed that prayer was difficult but so good. I eventually found my place in Little Rock but I made mistakes and lacked authentic community. I felt restless with what I was doing with my life. I had my dream job with a cute apartment and fun friends… but something just wasn’t right.
It was in November of that year that the Lord started to change things.
I went to the “Love Does” conference in Austin, Texas where I met Jennie Allen and began reading Restless. The next five months afterward served as a beautiful story of the Lord drawing me toward him and leading me down a path of true joy.
Here I am, almost two years to the day that I prayed surrendering myself to the Lord. And a few big things have happened…
I moved away from Little Rock back to Fayetteville, Arkansas, where I feel more at home than anywhere else.
I stepped out of teaching in order to go into full time ministry with YoungLives which is a part of Young Life Ministries that focuses on reaching out to teenage mothers. I get to love on teen moms and help develop this ministry in all of Arkansas. I get to pursue a ministry that my heart is passionate about.
I left friendships in Little Rock that I love and still maintain but have stepped into a beautiful community in Fayetteville. I am loved, known, supported and prayed for.
I no longer feel the need to strive to fill a desire through gaining the approval of others, making mistakes, or in other ways. My heart is settled and filled with joy and peace because it has found its home in him alone.
I no longer feel restless. I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
He met me where I was (which was messy) and beckoned my heart toward him. He has answered every prayer. He has met every deep desire. He has provided every need.
My heart is grateful because He is faithful.
I stand in awe of what he has done.
Will you ask Jesus to do ANYTHING in your life? It’s not easy… but like my own “Anything” story… it is beautiful.