My Shipwrecked Life

Among the many definitions of wrecked, included are: any building structure or thing reduced to a state of ruin and the ruins or destruction of a vessel or anything. Its definition describes my life was two years ago. My life was so broken that it wrecked “my plans” I had for my life. To make a long story short my husband is a soldier and was deployed twice with the Operation Iraqi Freedom. When he returned home it took almost two years to get a job. Even though he is a considered a veteran he went unnoticed for many opportunities. While waiting for a job we lost our house. I was in the process of finishing my Master’s degree program which involved student teaching so I wasn’t working and God threw in an unplanned pregnancy. I was in a state of ruin… my life was wrecked.

Life for us at this point was unpredictable. I wanted to leave my husband because I blamed him for the loss of our home and for the pregnancy. I blamed him for it all so I hated him. I had a terrible pregnancy which landed me on bed rest at six months with doctor appointments twice a week that were hospital stays as well. I didn’t understand why my life was wrecked! I questioned and pleaded with God. I was mad.

It wasn’t until I had my son that I realized I went through all that for a reason. My husband and I are so much closer now. I am part of a church family that I simply adore, where I am being fed the word of God and am surrounded by so much truth and encouragement. I am around people who are not ashamed of their stories and believe in sharing their stories in hopes that people will see just how real God is. I had to have my life wrecked to bring me back to reality. I needed the wreck so I could appreciate the smooth sailing.

Up until two years ago my family had it made in the world’s eyes but we weren’t living right in the sight of God. We never struggled financially and we had a beautiful home we didn’t appreciate. We took life for granted, each other for granted and didn’t value all the blessings God had given us. I mean my husband made it back from Iraq twice! That’s enough to me thankful for the rest of our lives.

It wasn’t until I went through a class called Stronger that I started to see how strong God truly is in my life. It’s one thing to say how amazing God is, how easy it is to sing praises unto his name. It was easy to talk the talk but when I had to experience him being more than enough for me, when I had to find out that he was my beginning and end, when I had to cast all my cares upon him and lean not on my own understanding, when I lost friends and had no one to talk to… that’s when the journey became real for me.

My husband and I are in a smaller house with different jobs and two beautiful kids. We appreciate each other in ways that we never saw possible in our marriage. I have learned what it means to be submissive and to trust my husband as the head of our family. I know that the unrealistic expectations I placed on my family and marriage only caused disappointment because I wasn’t trusting God but what society thought we should be like. I was trusting in myself.

I said all of that to say I am still in my season of understanding who God is in my life. I thank him for my struggles, for my fears, for my shortcomings and most of all for my shipwrecked of a life! Being wrecked taught me humility.

Psalm 25: 9 says, “He leads the humble in what is right, teaching them his way.”

Just like those nine months of pregnancy and all I had to go through to get a beautiful baby boy, I had to go through things in life to get me where God intended for me to be.

I am excited about my future and I truly trust God now in every aspect of my life now. I believe that we all need our lives turned upside down sometimes so we’re not too comfortable and so we can continue to trust God, really trust God, and his plan for our lives. I pray that someone reading this who is going through a season of a wrecked life is encouraged. I know it’s not easy when you’re lonely, broken, or empty to truly see how God can love you or how he can allow so much chaos in your life, but it’s in the those moments where you need him the most! He is by your side. He will never leave or forsake you. God will never put more on you than you can bear!

Keep trusting and believing in him, it will all work in your favor for his glory! I pray that you continue to walk with your head held high as you go through your season of being wrecked. Know that our timing is not God’s timing and that when we delight ourselves in God he will give you the desires of your heart. I pray for peace in the middle of your storm and that you know late in the midnight hour God is going to turn it around! Your storm is only temporary, but God’s love is everlasting and here always. I now know that God wants to use me in ways I don’t even understand but I had to go through some challenging times to keep me on my face before God, seeking him and sitting in his presence.

 

Kenya Lewis

 

A repost from “My Journey of Faith Magazine”