No Kissey Kissey, We Went to Bed Mad

Spend a bit of time on Pinterest and you’ll almost always find a bedroom quote that reads “Always Kiss Me Goodnight” or maybe, “Never go to bed angry”… ohhh or even “Love conquers ALL.” So many quotes on so much ship-lap thanks to Mrs. Gaines and HGTV. Guess what – those quotes on that cute ship-lap can go jump in the creek. We went to bed angry! And you guess it, we woke the same! The Mr. seemed to give in and lose most of his immature frustration during the course of the next day; but nooo, not me. I held on to that anger as if it was a new purse, almost as daring to say, I showed it off. I was hacked!

The Lord up and hurt my feelings… yep, the Lord. I typed it. You read it. The Lord hurt my feelings. I was angry at the Lord. [Gaspppp] In response to my anger, I just pitched myself a little spiritual tantrum and pouted. [What… happen…to…being…a believing adult?] I eye rolled our Savior like a teenager that just lost an Apple. I huffed. I wrestled my faith around just trying to squish the air out of it. What good was it…. faith, if it… ohhhh I’ll stop there. Huff… faith.

And before you make a conclusion about this little TMI story, we prayed. We prayed as a family. We prayed as individuals. We prayed as a couple. The Bible provides details on our communications with God. We followed the guidelines. We focused on His Will and not our own. We felt His guidance with every decision over the course, through the valley and over the hills. We followed, all in – right behind Him. It was amazing to watch Him work! And we were with Him the entire time! He had all the details. God was meeting us and then…. bam. He gave the “hold up” sign. He hit us with a Wild wait card; like a Draw 4 in a one card Uno game. Bam! What? Not now Lord…. but this IS what we’ve communicating about… we’ve been on this path based on Your guidance… and now you’re asking for a wait. Like hold— up? God… are you serious?

Yes, He is serious. God has complete control of the climate of the time. We have confidence that He fully loves us and will guard our relationship forever. I doubt Habakkuk and his “how long Lord” had anything on my hissy fit [that’s not a brag, it’s spiritually embarrassing]. However, I am reminded that the Lord answered Habakkuk with a “hey, just hold up and watch; and be amazed”. But you all, that “hey hold up” is the hardest thing for us believers to accept from the Lord. We’re movers and shakers! It’s a fast pace life! “Hey hold up” gets our Hanes into tight spaces and makes us cranky. “Hey, hold up” can be confusing, IF WE ALLOW IT. My anger allowed it. I went to bed angry with God. I pulled those blankets up over my head and wouldn’t allow Him in. I closed off my heart that night. I closed off my vessel; and it was cold and lonely. He is so faithful; even when we are not. He refused to allow me to be cold and distant. Like a parent trying to get their angry child to laugh, He did just that. He met me again, loosened the grip on my “angry purse”, and spiritually hugged me.

It was a dangerous situation… going to bed angry. But He sat up with me, and loved me through it. Like Habakkuk, I could only see limitations on the “hold up” when God has no limitations. He didn’t limit His love for me on the days I am faithful and mature; He doesn’t limit for anything.

Lord, I have heard of your fame; I stand in awe of your deeds; Lord, repeat them in our day, in our time make them known; in wrath remember mercy. Habakkuk 3:2


Jenny Stafford