Passion: a noun meaning a strong and barely controllable emotion.
What are you passionate about? I believe the area that you are most passionate about is an area that God can use you far beyond anything else. So, what are you most passionate about? What gets you fired up? What keeps you awake at night?
When I was thinking about this I thought, “I know exactly what my passion is!” I have a deep passion for hurting women. And the only way I can describe it is to share the reason why. My testimony.
It has been a little over a decade ago that my life would be forever changed; the dreams I had, the plans I had made, all that I thought I would become. Life was shattered by one word. DIVORCE.
This was far beyond anything I thought this good little Christian girl would ever see. I grew up in a wonderful Christian home. I have always had the best parents a girl could ask for. I grew up in a wonderful church and asked Jesus to be the LORD of my life at eight years old. Divorce rocked and shattered my world.
I had been married for almost 13 years. Two beautiful boys came from this marriage. There was absolutely nothing I could do to stop it. I wondered where God was. It was truly the first time that my faith had been shaken. In the months and years to follow I fell deeper and deeper into a pit of loneliness and despair. There was nowhere to turn to get away from it. There was no one there. Yes, I started reading my bible more. Yes, I started to pray more. But I still reached for many things to fill me up inside. I found myself without a ‘family’ and without my kids every other weekend and I had no idea what to do. I felt as though everything had been taken from me. I was broken and empty. And I eeked out a prayer to the Lord… use me.
I threw myself into serving at my church and also into shopping. I kept trying to do the things I knew to do but also still tried to do things my way. I grew deeper and deeper into despair and into a ton of debt. I was drowning. I was slowly losing everything I had. It is during these dark days I met and married a man who I thought to be that godly person and only turned out to take advantage of me and abuse me. Just when I thought I couldn’t be any lower then I was…I hit bottom!!
It is by God’s grace that He rescued me ten months into the marriage. I again found myself in a place I thought I would never be another divorce. It is during the months that followed this second divorce that I realized how much God loves me… even though I felt totally alone, totally unloved, totally judged and unusable to the Lord. But God showed me He loved me through all of my hurt and pain. Through all of it HE still loved me. I also was learning what it felt like to know God as:
El Roi -The God who really sees me
El Shaddai– The All-Sufficient One
Jehovah Rapha– The Lord who Heals
The God of all Comfort
Jehovah Shammah- The Lord is now here
I Am– he is our refuge our safe place
He is a fortress– Defender
He is the Refiner
He is your Husband
Jehovah Jireh– The Lord your provider
Redeemer– He who delivers the captives
I surrendered my loneliness and all my decisions to the Lord. He showed me that all along He was taking care of me, teaching me, guiding me, protecting me, and refining me into who He wanted me to be. I knew that all I had been through would not be in vain.
I asked the Lord to use me in the lives of hurting women. I surrendered to being a single mom, learning to be with just God and my precious boys. It was during this time that God made me whole. He made whole and he showed me what true unconditional love looks like. He called me to share my story.
It was during this time that I truly felt the presence of God in my life. He would rejoice over me with singing at night when I rested my head. He would awaken me with a song in my heart every morning. He kept His promise to me that He had given me 7 years earlier that He would redeem my life. That He would make all things new. Beauty from ashes.
I was married in 2012 to a man that proved all of the things God had done for me. He loved my boys and me unconditionally. God Himself brought him to me when I wasn’t looking. He didn’t fill me up, for only my Lord can do that, but rather he was part of the process God was using in my life to show me how much He loved me.
My Life has been made new. It has been redeemed. It has been during the last few years that I have, by the grace of the Lord almighty, been blessed to have the privilege to walk in the dark places with several hurting women. I have been able to point them to the truths found in God’s word that they so desperately need. I have been a shoulder to cry on and I have cried with them. I have gotten to see first hand God work and move in their lives.
So my passion comes from a deep place in my heart. When I was walking through this season in my life I had no one around me that said ‘I have been there too’ or ‘Let me hold your hand and help you see wisdom in dark places when you cannot see’ or “this is what the Lord spoke to me during this time.”
So whether you are hurting because that ugly word divorce has crept up in your life or you are a single mom just trying to make life work but you are so tired, or if you are that married woman but you are so lonely…. It is my passion and honor to tell you that Christ is enough. He loves you. He sees you. He knows right where you are. He knows right where you hurt. He knows you can make it through. He promises not to abandon you. He will make beauty from ashes. And know this.. I am also on your side. Cheering for you. Crying with you. Praying for you.
Then King David went in and sat before the Lord, and he said: “Who am I, Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far? – 2 Samuel 7: 18 (NIV)
“Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you” –Psalm 9: 10 (NLT)
“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him..” Lamentations 3: 22-25 (NIV)
“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I shall return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1: 21 (NASB)
“As for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, And at the last He will take His stand on the earth.” Job 19: 25