Unpublished Writings


I recently revisited some unpublished writings that I have.  I call them ramblings because they are simply my thoughts poured out upon a page.  I came across a writing from over the summer and I realized I must share it. Let me set the stage.

If you have followed me then you know my story but for those of you who don’t I will recap quickly for you.  Last year my marriage fell apart and we sold our home, divided up our things and went our separate ways and was pursing divorce.  But leave it to God in the final moments standing on a cliff ready to file the paperwork, He pulled us back.

I remember I was so sure it was over.  Then something made me question and ponder.   So before allowing the attorney to file the paperwork I planned a weekend getaway and was determined to hear from God.  I booked a place to stay and off I went.

I arrived at this beautiful place in Erie, Pa called Lakeview on the Lake.  They had beautiful cabins and RVs to rent. Everything about it screamed, this is the peace I have been needing for so long.  Beautiful adirondack chairs lined the green grass overlooking the bluffs going down to the lake. The sunset that night let me know that this is where I was going to find my answer one way or the other.  I can fully surrender to whatever God wanted. 

Early in the morning, coffee, pen and journal in hand, I perched on one of the adirondack chairs tucked my blanket around me and began writing and this is what surfaced.

Here I sit, stripped down, everything changed, nothing was the same.  I am looking at the foundation and I can finally see the crack.  Under the layers and layers of my life. I am now down to where the problem lies. The issues in my marriage were not really all the disagreements or petty arguments or the wrong doings.  It was a foundational issue.

I see it now. Thank you, Lord for revealing truth to me. Here I am at the edge of the cliff and ready to take the leap and stand before another failed marriage when my eyes were finally opened.  I can see the problem at the base of all we had built. Because the foundation was weak, our marriage could not withstand the storm we had tried to weather.

We stand now with all of our life stripped away.  We know the love is still strong but we didn’t know how to fix what was broken, but now there it is…the crack in our foundation.  Now what will we do with the rest? Will we rise and rebuild with Christ at our Cornerstone, fully submitted and fully committed to God and giving our best to each other?

Neither of us could understand why every layer of our life had to be stripped away. But pride and selfishness had to be broken down in order for us to see the truth.  Here we stand on the of the cliff ready to take the fall into divorce and on the edge God opened our blind eyes. I am oh so thankful.

 We see where the work needs to be. We will choose to work hard and let God heal us. We will co-labor with Him to rebuild our foundation better than it was. God said “I showed you. Now the choice is yours. Will you commit to rebuild with Me or will you jump off the cliff and go your own way?” So here we sit on the edge of the cliff headed for the fall.  Our eyes have been opened and we have choices to make.

This was a hard day but it is turnaround moment we had been waiting for. As I sat there that day I was reminded of Mark 10: 9 (Passion Translation) “the husband and wife will be joined together as one flesh and after that they no longer exist as two but one flesh.”  So there you have it. What God has brought together no one has the right to split apart.

So here is our crack….two leadership personalities, an alpha male and alpha female fighting to lead against one another and not functioning as one flesh. There is a song that talks of there being a garden in the ashes and beauty of our messes and how we should embrace our individual imperfections and let love do the rest.  I listened to it over and over.

I realized that if we have been brought here to the root, to the crack in the foundation and shown where we are going wrong then God must be fully prepared to restore and rebuild.  We just need to work together as one flesh.

God really doesn’t give us more than we can handle or let the waters overtake us in a storm.  It was actually in the stripping away that all the things that we couldn’t see before were able to be seen.  When things in your life seem to be being stripped away it doesn’t always mean the end but it might actually be the turnaround you have been praying for.  I believe in my situation, I was so focused on what was being stripped away I couldn’t see what God was trying to show me until we were at the bottom.

I believe wherever you are in your marriage God can restore when hearts are willing. Not just marriages but any relationship. Half the battle is getting past the hardness of heart that sets in when issues arise and we self-protect.  

Once the walls go up, we go our separate ways but if God can soften your hearts towards one another, He can do the work that needs done to repair the broken parts.

At His Feet,

Sheila Millinder